Wednesday, December 28


My head seems buzzing with zillions of questions. I don’t answers to even single one of them. It’s not that I am not putting in efforts to understand them and get their solutions but it’s simply that I am unable to find any success there. Dilemma would be the right word for my state of mind right now. I am smiling, enjoying every bit of my life in a second and in another am simply thoughtful about something. I’m not even sure about what I am thinking.

A stable life is what I seek but with me, I guess complications come by default. My head spins and reels with these complications and I don’t even know how to seek simplicity. Someone told me it’s in the heart, all solutions lie deep down there. But am I calm enough to seek Inner Peace. Yes, that sounds like Kung-Fu Panda’s dialogue but I think that should help. Inner peace it is.

Now again, how do I seek inner peace? I’m feeling so wobbly with the kick of these thoughts. Just one thought to disperse though, is it really necessary to change yourself to suit someone else’s environment despite of the fact that they love you. I don’t know, all married girls that I have met till now say that they need to make certain adjustments but does not that mean somehow you are killing a very important part of yourself.

It’s me that you had loved, now why the need arises to change my habits and clothes and loud laughs to suit your family. Didn’t you know about them before you fell in love with me? Why change me now? Buzzed again. But this is not really what I am thinking. It’s just a part of it. Inner Peace, Inner Peace.

I hope I achieve it someday. Till then buzzed I am…

Sunday, November 6

My World

My world has shrunken into mirthless laughter
I smile at you knowingly
You smile at me hopefully
Wistful that I am of your love
Still I know of your love me
My resolve to smile
And be the one you want
Will tear me apart
Will render me dead
I still try to be the one
Tears have stopped flowing
Sunlight has stopped making sense
Obstinate pains trickles down my cheeks
You can make me forget my woes
But your presence scares me
I didn’t know love
You made me realize it
May be it had arrived
Without my acknowledging it
May be it had seeped deep inside
But a day will come when I will have to go
Can death be a solution?
But no, it’s not
My dreams lay on your feet
Can I hold its fingers to help them stand?
I grin so you won’t see the sorrow I live
I laugh so you won’t feel what I think
But yes, I think.
I resolve to make my world simpler
Yet again this love maims all hope
Your absence does no harm
Your presence does
I love you yet I can’t reach you
You love me yet you can’t have me
Why my world can’t be simpler?
This mirthless laughter rings
And you think I am happy and shallow
I am content to make that impression
I am content that you don’t know sorrow
For I am old enough to understand
I should walk away and never come back
My reason for sustenance is you
But you will find happiness away
You make me feel worthy of being alive
My world has shrunken around you
Yet I laugh mirthlessly to prove otherwise
My world is complete without you
But I am incomplete forever…

Tuesday, November 1


I am terrified today.

With all the pros and cons of me being with you being so highlighted - I can see only fog ahead. My visibility is impaired.

Scared of the fence that surrounds my heart. I can see the blue sea. I can see the white sand on the beach. I can feel the soft waves touching my feet. I can feel the soft sand pressed under my palm. I can feel the warmth of the sun touching every pore of my body but the absence of your sight leaves a cold heart.

There you stand by the sand castle far away from me. The castle will melt with the first roaring wave of tide coming towards me.

My thoughts waver from the softness of the waves tickling my toes to the roaring waves that will engulf the castle. Why the sea changes its temperament? Am I similar to the waves – temperamental and heartless? But if was to be heartless, I would not have felt cold in your absence. I would not seek your touch in my palms. I hate to feel scared.

Is there any way of reaching you? The white wooden fence around me is high enough to defend me. But do I need the protection anymore? I act well to not appear scared, but am I succeeding in doing so?

The only way I can reach you is by drowning me. I see myself walk towards the sea. You yell out loud somewhere, probably trying to save me but you have trust my abilities to come out unscathed.

I walk into the foaming sea. The water’s changing. The sea is no more a sweet tickle on my toes. It’s raging to engulf me, engulf my pain. I walk ahead. I wish you would come to hold my hand and hold me in your arms. But I expect too much happiness. I should walk ahead to meet you. There you are standing waving to me.

I walk in the salty waters. I taste my tears in the sea. Now I can’t hear you calling my name. Just a shadow of me remains somewhere. I called your name but the roaring sea enveloped my voice in its embrace. Now I am lost, lost deep into the heart of the blue sea.

I drown.

I die.

And there you stand. Probably waiting for me return. I hope you await my return till the sea beholds me. Wait till I come back again!

Will you please?


Sometimes my heart yearns for pain
That’s when I think of love
Wishes slip from my lips for
Salvation from your thoughts
But am caught in a spider web
Why I beg for pain?

Sometimes I feel the need to disappear
That’s when I think of death
Thoughts take root in depth of soul
For liberation of green leaves
But there’s not enough sunlight to breathe
Why do I seek liberation?

Friday, September 30


कुछ उदंड सी सोच है
जो जन्म ले रही है मेरे मन में
और क्यों न ले
आखिर उदंडता बसती है इन रगों में.
अब इस सोच का क्या करू?
इसे मोड़ने की कोशिश बेकार है
बहुत जिद्दी है ये मेरी तरह
कुछ ठान कर जन्मी है
क्या मेरे इस सोच के उदंड होने का कारण मैं हूँ?
शायद मैं हीं हूँ
पर होगा क्या इसे सुधार कर,
बेहतर बना कर?
अपने पहचान से, अपनी कोशिशों से
अपने जन्म से - वो उदंड ही रहेगी मेरी तरह.

Monday, September 26

Fingers Crossed

Life has all of a sudden come on the faster lane and I am probably running to hard to pace up. Am I exhausted? No. Am I panting? No. Then why on earth am I thinking about it? I search in the deepest of corners of my heart but can’t fathom out a solution. But I feel a realization roll across the corner of the dark road inside. It said, “Dudette, whatever happens, happens for a reason and trust me its good. So, wait and watch for what is coming your way. Till then do what seems right to you.”

I come back from the reverie to the real world and see that there is nothing to be sad about. Maybe there is better plan for me somewhere that I am unable to fathom now.  Maybe he plans me to be happier than what I am now. So, I just wait with fingers crossed.

Thursday, August 25

Dawn lit mountains of Tawang

Mystical and enchanting beauty of the Buddhist Gompas, apple gardens and the breathtaking views makes Tawang a haven for tourists in the north eastern state of Arunachal Pradesh

The breathtakingly beautiful Buddhist Gompas. The endlessly winding roads. The misty snow-caps. All packed in one picture-perfect landscape. To the knowledge of our readers, we are talking about Tawang, a city located at a height of 12,000 ft above sea level in the state of Arunachal Pradesh, and its one major attraction, the Golden Pagoda.

We started our journey from Tezpur, a pretty little town on the north bank of the Brahmaputra on Christmas Day. We were warned by the locals, before we started, about the heavy snowfall during the previous days and that we might have to return from Bomdila, halfway to Tawang. Snowfall closes almost all the road travel routes in Arunachal Pradesh. Bomdila is another hill station in AP where one comes across serene beauty and gardens laden with apples.

Our luck proved stronger and we had Mother Nature pushing us through the border of Bomdila and into the spectacular Tawang. The frozen lakes were wore an enigmatic look due to the dark shadows cast by the leaf-barren trees. The steep road was slushy with melted snow. The steep road was slushy with melted snow. The road through the beautiful Dirang valley that lead to Tawang offers magnificent views of rivers, hills and grassland merging into one. The hillside was covered with swards of flowers and fern.

The beauty actually made me wonder if we still need a trip to Switzerland.

Every nook and crevice had scenic appeal that waited to be captured in memorable photographs. One can see the beautiful crests and valleys, dangerously swaying bridges, ravines giving in to giggling rivers, an array of orchids dangling from snow covered trees and many more visual delights. Arunachal has over 600 species of orchids that include “Ladies Sleeper” variety, which are indigenous to the land and there is a prohibition on taking them outside the state.

By the time we reached our small but comfortable looking hotel in Tawang, the sky had started to overcast with dark clouds. During winters, the sun sets early, so it was already dark by 5:30 in the evening. We kept our luggage’s and met up in the lounge after some time and were really pleased to find an inviting fire to warm ourselves up after a long cold journey. Around the fire, we feasted on the local delicacies of the Monpa tribe, a major tribe group residing in the Tawang area amongst others. After chit-chatting for a while we were back to our rooms in the pleasing comfort of our room heaters, where I snuggled up in my bed to drift into a deep, deep slumber.

My first morning in the land of rising sun and I am awake bright and early. It’s wonderful to notice how the fatigue of city life vanishes so miraculously in the pure mountain air.

The itinerary for the day is already planned out and the first place to be visited is, without any doubt, the Gompa or Buddhist monastery in Tawang. It is reportedly the second largest in the world and is built in the style of a medieval fortress. The monastery is home to nearly five hundred Buddhist monks. And they are indeed very lucky monks. As far as scenic locations go, you don’t get much better than this. The complex is built on the edge of a steep ridge, overlooking the Tawang valley. Oh, and that   is surrounded by the Himalayas. As it has been mentioned earlier, you cannot find a better place than this - Recent restoration to the Gompa interior has created a small museum which is host to a number of relics and Buddhist items of interest.

After the tour of the whole Gompa complex, one can sit in its courtyard and bask in the winter sunshine. It is a welcome change and a truly relishing feel for each and every pore of our body.

As with most places, Tawang has its own historical importance attached to it which was told to us by the head monk of the Gompa and I am producing it verbatim.  The name Tawang is derived from the legend of Mera Lama, who set out in 1681 in search of a place to construct a monastery following the wish of Dalai Lama the 5th, his teacher. One day after his prayer for guidance, he found his horse standing at a spot on a hill-top quietly. Taking it as divine sign, he named the place as Ta = horse: Wang = chosen. The monastery was build with the help of the locals and even today they look after it with great respect.

And not to forget the Sela Top Pass, a pass adjacent to Tawang, which rises steeply and is full of snow for most of the year. The biting cold here made me crave for my warm car interiors, but being a city dweller I don’t get to experience such cold everyday and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

While touring other areas of Tawang, we came across many army camps. The reason being the place located in the highly sensitive border it shares with China and Tibet. The Indian Army has made their presence felt strongly in certain areas by restricting our movements for our own safety.

We were highly moved by the simplicity of the people of Tawang. The people of Monpa tribe are essentially a simple lot and despite the onslaught of modernity, they stick to their traditional way of life. They prefer a lifestyle that includes tending of yak and brewing their own local alcohol.

Other attractions of the town included a Handicrafts Centre, which was started to promote the small-scale industries for local handicrafts. The centre houses an exclusive and ethnic array of woollen carpets and shawls, amongst other things. People may also purchase rather inexpensive but good chubbas and shoes.

The rivers Tawang-Chu and Namjang-Chu are ideal for river-rafting activities, but as our luck would have it both the places were frozen solid as they remain so during the whole winter season. Tourists can also avail the fun and adventure of rock-climbing, paragliding, skating and other winter sport activities in the area at an extremely affordable rate.

Our two-day trip passed in a blur and before we knew it was time to pack for our return journey. Though I am not sure I would miss sub-zero temperature, but if given a chance I am sure I would swap the nerve-racking and chaotic city life to this easy and silent life. Any time.

Wednesday, August 24


Love is one helluva confusing thing… Am yet not sure of it…I know it’s too early too decide on that…I have learnt a lot but still am not able to decide on a certain fact that who is it that I should really trust. Parents – when they have made a lot of wrong choices for me or me who has wronged but it is still me who is to blame… it is me who is to blame for a certain happenings in my life. I don’t believe in platonic love. Every where it is either physical or some other reason.

There are no more tears – they have dried up. One is never alone but there so many insecurities that one can’t deal with. But why are they there?? There has to be an answer to all of it. I am in love but with whom or what? Am happy and sad at the same time but there is no apparent reason for it.

I am scared but I do not acknowledge that fact. Is it the mere insecurities or is it the way I have been brought up. Is it the learnings that I had? Where I am lost? Still stuck in so many questions. I am stuck with so many questions, but is there someone to answer them?

Can someone really bear the others tantrums for life just because they love that person? Someone said that I am not fit for marriage. Is it really a fact? If it is true then why am I left at the threshold?

Nameless Thoughts

Almost the whole of August passed by without me doing anything very creative despite the fact that I had been confined to bed most of the times with my fractured leg. Nothing came out of my head in the duration. Probably that’s what it is called being hurt in head…

Kidding ya

So, am just feeling good to put down these nameless and wordless thoughts on a blank page of Microsoft Word, which might later get published on my blog. Have we not lost touch to the world of writing diaries and hiding it from our Moms as they would think it to be the only way to understand their kids or whatever the reason. Now we can lock our laptops and even can keep our diaries, which are on various formats of Microsoft Office and other places, encrypted to avoid their detection.

Life has started to make sense and not make sense at the same time. With the healing leg, there might be another bunch of surprises for my people back at home. No am not getting married or anything – mine will be a good surprise.

I really don’t have anything as such to write with the pitter patter of thoughts knocking my head off. I am probably in shut down mode write now – saving all the data for may be future use. Maybe I am saving my data for future references too… good bye for now folks…

Wednesday, August 10


Rajesh walked out of the door and left behind Mina to cry her eyes out alone.

They were breaking up their 8 year long relationship. Was it her fault alone that lead to this end? She spread her hands to reach out to him but to no avail. He was nowhere in the hearing distance to listen to her cries when she yelled out his name. She felt her words hung up in the air. The looks around tell her that she spoke but there's no reply to any word she uttered.

Was she losing touch with reality? What’s right and what’s wrong is not conceivable. She just hoped for happiness and not this feel of pain pushing her to numbness forever. There are no colors left in life. The surroundings are all dark and something just pierced deep into her heart. She walked upon a broken pane barefoot and now she bleeds.

What went wrong? She bared her soul to him. She bared her heart. He saw her beautiful smile, her tinkling laughter and her warm sunshine, and then he stole it all away. Where was she standing? She had tried to say goodbye to his memories but they grow up on her. They entangle her more and more as she struggles to get out of them.

Why is heart so ruthless to fall wherever it sees even an ounce of affection mistaking it to be love and ending in so much of pain? Why it has to fight with the head and win over it with some stupid puppy dog eyed expressions? The pink heart shaped glasses make everything appear so lovey-dovey and end everything in red.

She had learnt now to keep her heart chained and never love anyone nor feel loved. But she will walk back someday to just see what went wrong and where. Will this journey end? Now, she walks barefoot in the dark to find answers to her quest. Will the dark ever let her reach them?

Monday, July 18

Reminiscences – a letter

Dear Jia

Your reminiscences run in and around my heart and body. There are a lot of them and I sometimes feel that I am incapable of fighting them so I let them be. They float around and make me smile sometimes, but most of the times they make me cry. I miss you. Is it so hard to say in words – yes it is.

The memories, where I listened to your sweet whispers in the night so close to my ears that they still make my heart melt in sheer joy. It’s the pure happiness of having them so close to my heart. My heart used to dance to those words that made no sense. I used to gaze in your eyes to find trace of me there. The memories that make me feel happy. There are many a sad recollections but let’s just give them a pass. It’s no point discussing them and crying.

These reminiscences give me a hope (which is against hope) that someday you might remember me as well and would want to come to my arms. The warm hug to protect you from everything will be there. It was you who always said so, but now I guess it’s my turn. They tell me to live with the hope that someday you might miss me the way I miss you and you will want to come back to me. You will perhaps put in effort to reach me, seek me and help me find my way back to you. Until that eventful day – I free you…

Lots of Love

PS: I miss you like crazy and I do…

Thursday, July 14

14th July- Diary entry (2:34 am)

Pure madness – let me know if you understand…

Raat ke is gehraate sannate me mujhe kuch chikhe sunayi deti hai. Ye nahi malum, ki ye chikhe hai kiski aur itne kareeb kyo hai. Kuch dhayan dene par pata chalta hai ki koi ro raha hai. Par kyo??

Mujhe is rone ki awaaz se itni takleef kyo hai. Kyo aisa mehsoos ho raha hai jaise kuch apna sa kho gaya hai. Kyo dard sa mehsoos ho raha hai aur  ji chah raha hai ki mai bhi rou us awaaz ke sath. Tut gaya hai kuch kahi par. Door bas tumhari parchhayi si deekhti hai. Kuch kadmo ke nishan shayad mil jaye par ab andhera sa ho raha hai in raho par.

Tum shayad kuch jaldi nikalte to, kuch door tak thar paya ja sakta tha. Par ab kya ho sakta hai. Tum to chale gaye, aur ye ret tumhare kadmo ke nishano ko uda le jayegi. Par kya us hawa ko jara si der ke liye ye nahi lagta ki un nishano ko mere liye chhod de. Kya is andheri raat ko nahi lagta ki who mujhe thodi aur deri ki mohlat de tumhe dekhne ki. Woh tumhe samet kar apne aghosh me na le, mujhe mahsoos karne de tumhe apni ankhon se.

Hath badha kar ab tumhe chhu nahi sakti. Tum door ja chuke ho, aur meri ankhen nahi khuli thi jab tum ja rahe the. Kitna shor hai mere as paas. Ya shayad ye sab mere bhitar ghat raha hai. Duniya ghum si rahi hai. Kuch shaf sa dikhta nai. Ab dhundhalka andhere me tabdeel ho chukka hai aur hawa bhi tez hai. Kaha kadam badhau kuch dikhta hi nai.

Tumhe to kho chuki mai. Par kyo pinjarbaddho si chatpatati hu tumhare jaane ke baad bhi.

Tuesday, July 12


I have grown up to be really restless and rowdy – that’s what everyone told me when I was 16 or 18…

Now at the so-called marriageable age – people say I have grown up. Have I really or it’s just another phase where we learn to live according to someone’s expectations and just start accommodating.

I still am restless in my own way, but I have Books & my BlackBerry to accompany me and give me some solace in my sort of lifestyle. Again they can’t cure the restlessness that I am suffering from. For that matter can anyone really cure it? I have just stepped into this new world full of wonders, away from the expectations of studies, and some other blahs of life and now here comes the never ending imposition of a married life.

Everyone will smile around you and will coax you (as if it’s such an amazing joke and you will roll on the floor laughing) – Beta, ab to shadi ki umr ho gayi tumhari to kya socha hai?? Abbe, what is your problem man?? And you are expected to shy away saying, aunty app bhi na, kaisa majak karti hai… Go buy yourself a life – and if you don’t have enough money to buy it, I will give you some, but just don’t bug me with that marriage saga ya.

You don’t get old or anything once you reach your late twenties (read 25-27). That is when all the fun in life starts. You have learnt enough, not to get idiotically hurt again. Of course we will fall in and out of love (in all its probability). We are economically independent. Yes, we are not shying away from taking responsibility, but why it has to come only in the form of marriage. I’m not prepared, and I never will be for a jump into it.

And I realized that I am not the only 25-26 year old facing this restlessness, there are many others who do. I am not indecisive or anything. I am just averse to the idea of giving up everything that I have learnt and lived by in the past 26 years of my life for just one person who I don’t even know. But I am scared. There is no reason to be – everyone makes me understand, but somehow they are unable to convince me of the same.

And the restlessness grows again.

Monday, July 11

Lost - 3

Lost -1 and Lost -2  

The miracle didn’t last long though as cancer has its own terms and conditions, and all have to mould accordingly.

It came to be discovered during the second biopsy after six months of her surgery that cancer cells had spread to tissues outside the pelvic region and were found on the liver as well. Doctors discovered shedding. The spread happened really fast and doctors suggested immediate hospitalization for her with regular chemo sessions.

Neil renounced everything to be with her in the hospital during her treatment. He still prayed a lot for her recovery and hoped that one day she will walk out of the hospital holding his hands like they used to earlier. The resurfacing had made Nishi irritable and weak. The nagging pain seemed to increase with each day and became unbearable. Now even his stunning smile did not seem take away her pain. She was falling into depths of hopelessness.

Nishi looked like an old leaf just attached to the tree, waiting for the breeze to come and detach her from her root and take her along. Neil was always there for her at every minute of the day. He had become her life-support to keep her fighting spirits high. She had awaited death every day, begging for the pain to go away. But there she was alive, yet another day to see Neil trying to put up a brave face in front of her.

Her cancer had made Neil a much stronger person than ever. He was no longer the shy, scared and feeble guy who was scared even to speak out to his colleagues. They both knew that she would not survive and still there was this heartbreaking pain when he saw her all the most broken down after each treatment sessions of hers. Her cancer had wreaked havoc in Neil’s life. He had given everything for her.

But today was a different day. She woke up to see his charming smile again making the day wonderful for her and she for the first time in these seven months felt the pain go away. She became the cheerful Nishi all over again, all through the day. They smiled, laughed and cried at everything they could talk about without tiring her too much. They giggled on bitching about the patient on the next bed, who made weird noises in the night.

The day was almost like the ones they used to have when Nishi was healthy. The end of this wonderful day gave Neil a very creepy feel and he did not want Nishi to go off to sleep but she was tired. She wanted to kiss Neil good night before sleeping. It was the most passionate kiss they ever had and Neil started to cry before it was over.

Nishi asked him not to cry and said that she will be fine in a couple of days as she didn’t have any pain today and that told Neil that this was the last kiss they ever had. Nishi closed her eyes and rested her head on Neil’s shoulders. There she whispered some incoherent mumblings and slipped off in her wistful sleep, never to wake up again. Neil held her in his arms till the night lasted and the doctors arrived in the morning to announce her officially gone forever. He stood there with tears flowing uncontrollably.

Neil became Nishi during her illness. She was keep alive in him but somewhere Neil was lost forever with his first love.

Friday, July 8

Lost -2

They enjoyed every bit of their togetherness with hidden gazes at each other, stolen kisses in the office elevator, there small walks from the office till the metro station, small texts throughout the day and many more such gestures. In these many days of togetherness, Nishi had gradually helped him get over his shyness to a large extent. He would now pick on Nishi every time they would be alone. Even amongst people, he started to gel well in the crowd.

All fairy tales shattered when it was not even eight months of their being together, and the realization seeped in that Neil will never be able to live together forever with Nishi. They were destined to separate soon as the dark clutches of cancer had gotten hold of Nishi. She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in its third stage, having invaded over her other organs, fallopian tubes and uterus too. First opinions declared that she had a little more than six months to live.

An ignored cyst had grown up to be cancerous, making it almost an impossible case of recovery. They consulted a couple of other doctors who showed them a ray of hope in the faltering life of Nishi as they said that even in the third stage it can be treated if there was no shedding* of cancer cells . She was immediately put on treatment regime. Doctors suggested surgical removal of cancer and debulking** (if required), as they found that it had spread through the pelvic region as well.

Nishi started her treatment sessions. The chemo sessions made her loose all her curly tresses that Neil was madly in love with. She had lost so much of weight and looked so fragile, almost transparent in the pale pink gown. She would stare out of the window at the gloomy rainy sky and wait. She had stopped looking into his beautiful eyes that would mesmerize her before. Now Nishi thought that her illness has trapped Neil and he is stuck with her during the worst of her phases.

However, Neil’s prayers of healing Nishi were heard. She started to show some stability with the medications. She underwent the surgery and the doctors told her that she was cured but she will have to continue with regular medications and chemo sessions for another couple of years to avoid resurfacing. The third stage of cancer being treated was a miracle to happen and they were very happy.

Everyone thanked God for the miracle.

*Shedding - Cancer cells can shed (break off) from the main ovarian tumor. Shedding into the abdomen may lead to new tumors forming on the surface of nearby organs and tissues.

**Debulking - If the cancer has spread, the surgeon removes as much cancer as possible. This is called "debulking" surgery.

Thursday, July 7


Nishi had fallen madly in love with Neil. How and when all were questions that none of the two could answer.

Neil was the typically the shy sort of guy who would never speak to even boys, forget girls. Nishi was the loudest mouth around and even her whispers would travel to the farthest corners of the room. He would generally murmur responses in answers and would gaze down while talking to people. She would keep asking him again and again the same thing as she was unable to hear him most of the times. Sometimes, it was done intentionally to beleaguer him.

Nishi started pestering him thinking she might help him get over the fear of facing people. He would never speak up for himself if he did not learn it now. When asked to speak loudly, Neil would just give a big dazzling grin, mesmerize Nishi and take his eyes off to other places. His childlike smile could melt even the hardest of stones. Nishi had started falling for him and she did not realize. She started noting his small scar near the eyes that made his smile look all the more mischievous and adorable, all at once.

Neil would stare at her when she was busy her chores and not paying attention to him. She was in the habit of looking into people’s eyes while talking to them but his eyes would make her forget everything and just gap at him. She just could not speak to him and on occasions of work related briefings, she had just got muffed up with the whole thing. She felt her heart jump out in excitement. She felt she was re-living her school days all over again.

However much Neil tried to ensure that Nishi never could know how he felt for her but she had learnt to read his stares with the corner of his eyes and smile on his own little achievement of being able to see her without anyone noticing it. But fate had to intervene and make things take another turn. So, one fine day they spoke to each other accidentally outside work about their choices and other general talks, and since then they continued talking.

Somewhere between these small talks, Neil opened up with Nishi like a book and started telling her about everything he went through as a child. She got to know the scared child hiding behind his innocent and infectious smile, the tears hidden beneath the big lashes of his beautiful eyes and the golden heart in him. By now fate had done its work and Neil & Nishi were too much in love with each other.

Monday, June 6


Tears creep out the corners of your eyes
Why does my heart feel moist and numb?
Can the relation be explained in words,
Without any other complications creeping in?
The shadows pass by us around the corner
Is it the shadows of some mortal ‘cause
It looks as if the ghost of love.
‘Cause I don’t believe what love is or what it was
Did it get washed away in your creepy tears
Was it worth a relation of love for a few seconds
To counter it for an eternity of life full of pain.

Thursday, June 2

Poem-Nameless as of now

Emotions run all through
My body.
They feel you around me,
My heart.
Where have you been all
Through these years.
My heart did crave for
Your smile.
It’s bliss to smile just at
Your smile.
It’s beautiful to be you
For once.
I hope your smile lasts a little longer
Than mine
To make me able to live through
Without you.
I love you.

Tuesday, May 17

Travelogue - In the lap of Mother Nature

The ever increasing demand for naturally rich and absolutely Eco-Friendly resorts in our time makes the Singpho Eco-Friendly resort a highlight for tourists due to its peaceful, panoramic and purely organic ambience

Mother Nature is spread around with all her beauty and fecund stretches of land in the North Eastern states of India. On the way to the Singpho Eco-Friendly resort, one can see the waves of rice farms, fruit orchards and green carpet of tea gardens in a way that beggars belief. The greenery in this part of the country is well envied by all and is the best of three worlds. It has the most clement weather merged with the most breathtakingly varied landscape, and one can enjoy their lungful of clean air that is a relish for people coming from smoke-chambers known as the metropolitan cities.

The Singpho Eco-Friendly resort is located in the midst of the forests on the border of Assam and Arunachal Pradesh. We started our journey from Mumbai and took a flight till Dirugarh in Assam, which is the nearest airport to the resort. Our intent was to spend our weekend in this Paradise of Silence away from all the hassles of being a city dweller. It is located around 60 kms away from the airport, near a town named Margeritta, so we booked a cab to enjoy the endless beauty on the road while we reach our destination.

The resort is AKA Bamboo Resort as the complete residential structure is made out of bamboo cut out in various patterns. The resort stands on stilts that are high enough to allow easy passage to an Indian elephant. The floor, walls, tables, chairs, beds, mats and every other item in the resort is made out of bamboo. The thatched roof gives it a cool atmosphere and merges so well with the surroundings. Singpho resort is named after its owners, Mr. Rajesh Singpho and Mr. Manjenong Singpho. It is a family run resort, and is maintained by the Singpho family as a whole.

The resort is harbour to various wild animals that are used to staying in touch with humans and do not harm them. The domestically wild Langoor is one its special attraction. The resort also has cats and fishes living in a symbiotic environment to give us a message that despite our diversities, we can sustain in this world in perfect harmony.

The style of food preparation is completely traditional. They use traditional wood stoves to prepare food, however, the choice of the cuisine depends on the guest. We had to tell them in advance about what we wanted to eat. We ordered for roasted chicken and one gravy item to go with the local rice.  But, when the food served, our surprise knew no bounds. It was served in the ethnic Arunachali way. It included, the Topla Bhat, with rice wrapped in one of those leaves that resemble banana, roasted chicken poked in sticks made out of fresh bamboo, Thai gravy with white curry, boiled leafy vegetables and raw salad. The local alcoholic drink known as Apong was served in special glasses made out of cut bamboo. The natives have named these glasses as Chonga in their dialect. The food was savoured to the last grain to be precise.

One can relish the food with the violin being played in the back of the kitchen. The co-owner of the resort, Mr. Rajesh Singpho, plays violin for the entertainment of the guests and for his own merriment. He kept on playing it for us while we enjoyed the amazing lunch along with the local stories.

The women of the household that owns the resort also indulge in handloom weaving. The handloom is placed beneath the resort structure and the women sit around to work on the same. They sing along the folk songs to keep themselves entertained while working. The materials woven by them are worn by the household members as well as are available for sale to the visitors of the resort.

The resort is surrounded by tea gardens that are again owned by the Singpho family. The garden is purely organic in nature and no chemical fertilizers are used for enhancing the crop. The family has also set up a vermin-compost pit in order to supply the need of organic manure for these farms. The Singpho brothers also take their time out to educate the locals about the benefits of organic farming and have employed some of them to assist in their tea garden and factory. They also sell the organic tea produced from their farms to the tourists in small home-made pre-weighed packets

So much for the clean air and beautiful surroundings filled with outrageously generous landscapes. The resort has a cool but relaxed buzz of the bees and the birds to give us a feel of Mother Nature’s lap. Towards the end of my stay in the resort, I found out that the north-east of India has a lot to offer to its people. The weekend got over in almost a jiffy and I didn’t even realize that it was time to pack my bags and leave this peaceful place for the noisy and rush-hour life yet again.

Monday, May 16

Some more of Nostalgia…

There are zillions of colors in millions of trivial thoughts running on the racetrack of my mind. Some thoughts relate me to a certain memory, of a certain event, that I might have been very fond of as a child or may be even when I grew up. I walk barefoot on the lush lawns of those moments. I guess I have walked past long miles to see you standing in one of those sweet-sour memories.

I remembered that it was of a day when I had laughed the most. I was rolling on the grass in the garden and trying to tell you stop making me laugh. My stomach was hurting and I was still not able resist my laughter. I could see the sparkle of my laughter in your eyes. It happened a long time back and I have walked past that age. I don’t know how to go back in time and find those moments.

These are the times when I wish life could just turn back and reach to all those nooks and corners that we missed to look by when in time. Those were the times when I had never thought of you as my world but those were the times that I felt so wonderful being with you. But I looked forward to meet you every evening after the daily chores were over and I never understood why I looked forward to it.

If it could happen that I would go back and see those moments of loneliness I that I spent missing you and walking on my terrace, waiting for you to come by. The way you tickled my ears and pulled my cheeks are my wishes again but time does not turn back and so I walk ahead with vivid memories playing in front on my eyes.

A fresh dewy feeling on my heels after walking barefoot on the damp thoughts has made realize that I have come very far from them. Probably, I have aged with time and hardened even wizened may be, but the heart is still innocent.


It’s sometimes that I get time to ponder over the times we spent, and I see that I had laughed with you till my jaws hurt and tears started to stream. And I still wanted to continue laughing, held in your arms to comfort me.

It’s sometime that I realize that you have made me cry the most for none of the reasons that made sense but I have also found solace in your arms. You have always been there to wipe my tears and make me smile again.

It’s sometimes that hurting you made me feel safe. I felt immense relief to know that I hold that much power on you and you won’t let go of me despite the pains you go through for me. It’s just that I wish to hide and let you seek me to understand how much you need me.

It’s sometimes that I need to hide in your arms and relish your smell to have the feel of belongingness. Every pore of me smelling like you will make me feel complete. I will immerse myself in your fragrance to feel loved.

It’s sometimes that I keep awake just to see you sleep next to me in my arms. Just to make you see that the world is beautiful near my heart and nothing can harm you here. It’s not that I am scared of losing you to anyone or anything but the fear of losing a minute to darkness without seeing you. But it fills me with sheer joy of watching peace run over your face when you sleep.

It’s sometimes that my breath stops when I have a glimpse of you in the most extra ordinary of circumstances and I find myself smiling in the middle of a conversation as I’m looking at you and people are giving me queer looks for I missed the whole conversation.

It’s sometimes that I miss your presence so much that my heart aches and words are difficult to phrase. It’s when the tears help me tell you that you are what’s most precious to me and I would never want to lose you.

It’s sometimes that I wish I could show you how much I love you by tearing my flesh apart. I then I feel like showering all my emotions on you and make you feel blessed. I wish the shower of love to last till eternity and never fade.

It’s sometimes that I say I hate you for making me do certain things but that’s when I realize that your love can make me do things that I would not do for anything in this world. And I feel like telling you that you negate all my angst and negativity and make me a better person.

It’s sometimes that you are far off from me, but your thoughts keep touching me and make me understand that distances do not make any difference and you will always be there for me. It’s then that I realize truly that distances do make our hearts grow fonder.

It’s sometimes that the need to be close to you is so strong that it makes me do eccentric stunts. It’s then that I want you to hold me close to your heart and tell me that I’m wanted. And I want you to hold me tight and rock me into a peaceful sleep so that I feel at peace with the world.

It’s sometimes that I yell at you and want you to do certain things correctly as I look upon you to be perfect in all the ways and certain flaws are not tolerated. I have made you my perfect man and your so-called flaws just hinder that sight so they are not accepted.

It’s sometimes that your way of looking at me makes every pore of me feel beautiful. It’s only for you that I have the ability to blush and shy away into your open arms just to hide from your looks but to enjoy that blissful feeling always. It’s then that I feel like an angel meant only for you and your one touch can melt like butter just at your whims.

It’s sometimes that the need to hold on to you is so strong that I can’t help but cling on to you with all my might. It’s sometimes that you seem so innocent that I feel content with everything I have. It’s then that I feel my decision to be with you to be wise. And I know that you won’t betray me ever.

It’s sometimes that I say but I want you to believe with every action of mine that “I love you” with all my heart.

Thursday, April 28


It was vague feeling that crept up in her heart as she sat up gazing at the stars. Was it the correct thing to do? Was she the only one going through that feeling? Was she the only one troubled?

Why was Rajni so reluctant to accept the fact that things turn out that way and it was not only she who was undergoing this feeling? Life had taken a double dip and had thrown her at a point where she has only to obey and not contradict. She had grown up to rule not to be ruled by. How was she to understand this?

Happiness, at times, can be so relative and can be based on someone’s perception of the scenario. She was happy but sad at the same time. She was getting everything she had always asked for in life, then where did the trouble lie. She was home. She had always wanted to be home, but why did she feel annoyed when her mother asked her to dress properly or her father told her to be back before dark.

Rajni wanted to shout back that she is grown up enough and she understands her responsibilities, but did she? Or was the fault of her parents who were trying to model her up as their child after a gap of 25 years. Did they not realize that 25 years is a long enough time to have been conditioned, shaped and toned to a life in different world?

Moral obligations did hurt. She did not understand whether she should comply with them or break free. Breaking free seemed an easier way out but she was adept to choosing tough. Why now did she feel like running away? Why now did she feel like giving away? Was it really home that she wanted or had she gotten used to the spontaneous and lone life she was living?

The stars did remind her that fighting has been the part of her life so she has carry on with the tough choice and yes she will find happiness in what she had been seeking for this long.

Thursday, March 31

Bleed Blue.....alright.....But make sure u get d shade right...

A friend of mine, Auyon Acharya, had put this statement on his Facebook profile as his status update and I found it really interesting to put it up as a part of my blog. Thanks Auyon, but since you don't write but make films, I can't tag you on my blog – I put it up for you on FB as well.

So, here is the platter of food that graduated from the above mentioned recipe for thought and is spread for you to taste and give opinions.

I am a Cricket Fan, and when I didn't get to watch India's batting 'due to office '– I felt miserable. Precisely on the verge of crying that I will miss watching My Team in action. I could have chased scores online and would have been happy about it, had it been any other country playing against us, but the reason of yesterday's reaction was caused by “The India vs. Pakistan Clash”.

Ok I'm not the only crazy one. Mumbai, Delhi, B'lore, Hyderabad and many other cities were almost Bandh for the occasion of this match. Corporates shut down themselves or arranged Television screens for their employees to enjoy the match together. I finally escaped work an hour to find myself walking on curfew decreed streets and the usual traffic filled roads were eerily vacant. It suddenly felt something was really wrong, but no it was not.

The Facebook status' kept on getting updated with the latest scores and things like what's happening on field. Someone who cud just be online on FB would know the game status. By the way, with the grace of my office folks (No sarcasm intended) I got to see the last over batted by India and the whole of Pakistan's innings. I was on my toes towards the end of the match. Whoa!! that was some excitement people.

Its really hard to count how many nails were bitten, how many plates food (read samosas, pakodes & other misc starters) got washed down with the countless glasses of beers or soft drinks, how many pillows got torn, how many remote controls broken and how many other 'How Many's” during the ultimate tussle of The Indo-Pak war game.

And then India WON!!!

The happiness and joy knew no bounds. The expressions and celebrations post match are not be described in words. They fail me. It felt like Diwali in March. A realization stuck me that we are a part of the cricket crazy nation and the designation is absolutely rightful with no exaggeration in any respect. Saw the unity of crowd and its not wrong to say that cricket runs in the very veins of our bodies. It's not just a game for us, especially when it comes to Pakistan, it becomes our religion. It's either do or die.

Finally, I'm at a little peace today that we are in the finals with Sri Lanka. So, now we wait for the Ram (read India) and Ravan (read Lanka) final match in Wankhede Stadium. We pray and we cheer to encourage our team to make our country proud. It's time to bleed blue, but remember even Lankans are a shade in blue, so be clear about your shade in there.