Saturday, May 29

After-Life (My first attempt at fiction)

I read Sakhi's Blog ( on After-Life and I wanted to write something on the topic...So here it goes....

You were drunk that night – probably for the first time you were that high – or it was I who had seen you in that inebriated state for the first time. Nonetheless, we both knew it was our last night together as a couple, hence, we both were sort of crying, laughing, and telling each other how much we will miss each other's presence in our lives. And then you asked – Do you believe in after-life?

It was sort of a mutual break-up. Whatever, that term really means – I do not believe in mercy killing. Death anyways is death – and by no means can it enjoyable for a hale and hearty person. I simply asked you - why was it that us happened in the first place? There was nothing common between us. Nothing to link us, nothing to talk about, nothing to even be physically attracted towards each other. I mean, yes you look good, and you have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen, but I had not even noticed that prior to when we started talking.

One fine day, I spoke to you and then we started to talk and talk and talk. And then I told you that I am scared for the first time in my life that I will fall in love with you. I do not even remember that, you told me that I said that in my sleep. I had stated observing, your soft molten honey colored eyes, your sweet spoken nature despite the intimidating looks, your lips that always remind me of mangoes (no clue why), the curly hair on your chest, the way you looked on your birthday, and so many things about you.

When it grew into we confessing our love to each other, it came so effortlessly and none of us realized that we were in love. And, how soon the time flew past making us understand that we want very different things from life – or do we? I am still not sure on that part – but let's see what is in store for us. That night when you asked me about my belief in after-life – I flatly said that I do not. But, how wished there was an after-life that I could spend with you, for you, for us and our life. Our child, our home, our room, our car, our time, our love...Spare all that me and you, only for each other.

We still love each other so much that we dread that we will shatter each others dreams and we will have to compromise with each other. But, love is always about it. Not really compromise but yes adjustments, accommodating, sharing our personal space. I wish I could make you see these things. Trust me, I never want to come between you and your perfect life, I only wish I could be a part of that life.

And I do not believe in After-Life...

Happy realization

These many days (precisely 7 days) of struggling with myself and my weird thoughts, I finally won. I realized that more you fight with yourself more you push yourself towards defeat. You should accept the fate as it is. Things will happen as God has planned and trust me you can't do much about it. So, finally am happy today, after long seven days of severe depression. If, I have to lose something or somebody then it just that something better is going to happen. It has always happened with me, so , I should not be worried at all.

This is not at all to make myself feel better, but it has always happened. Every time I had been low or have felt a little subdued, I have got something better to cherish. Be it people, be it work, be it any other thing. I guess, I am His special child, who He can't afford to see sad. So, here He strengthened my faith in Him again. I love you my Father and I trust you for everything.

Realization finally came. I have been feeling so stupid and at loss for doing things I ought not. Temper is something that I really need to control and secondly I have to be a little rock solid to avoid falling in situations like last week. I love myself (Narcissist), OK whatever you call me, I will be what I am – always.

Monday, May 24

Ummmmm, I think...

Suggestion – This write-up makes no sense, so read it at your own risk of understanding

I am so glad that I am alone today. I am a little troubled – yes very troubled but the best part is that I am able to get over it. If you would have been here to take care of me, then I would have become really dependent on you – emotionally. But, I have realized it that you are not mine – you can't be mine, so its better to let go off you – I love you so much. Words will always fall short to express them. Somebody told me that one can live without love but not without respect and, you don't trust me so there goes the respect down the drain.

There has always been a lot of chatter about love, respect, trust, integrity, understanding – but will that all be eligible anywhere in any form to bring me and you together – ever. No, it will never happen. You made me realize that I am cute and strong. But do you know how much I hate being strong – it gives people the license to hurt me thinking that I can bear it.

I want to to be a crybaby and a loser now, if that's the way nobody will hurt me. Telling people that I am scared of being hurt makes me more more vulnerable to it, but I don't care. My telling that I love you, will not make any difference – and that hurts.

I know, you understand how I feel for you – but sometimes when you mock that feeling, I wish I never had said them to you – I never will. But dying always does not means plain death. There are so many dead people, zombies, that move around and work amongst us. I can be one of them, without any sense, any hope, any love.

My death will be the day when I will stop my mind from thinking, creating, feeling anything and start doing things that I detest completely.

I just wanted to tell you again as the last reminder that I love you and I will never be able to love anybody so much. But it will be good for you to stay away from me for all odd and even reasons – as I do not want you choose between things. I will never forget how much you love me and neither will I forget that I am an angel...khub bhalo kore thako...

Monday, May 17

My second first day at work

Its an amazing feeling to come back to work from office. For these many days (almost two months), I have been working from home due to all nonsense reasons. So, when I reached office today, it actually felt like some sort of celebration. People sharing their good news with me and we laughing and talking, and call from boss that we are talking too much and should work for some time now. It was fun.

I missed my workplace – sounds weird isn't it? But that's true – I really missed everything except the temperature outside in Mumbai. This place is smothering me with the heat, after coming from a cool hilly region. Whatever, one of my colleagues had a baby girl, the other got engaged and is getting married next week, another guy got admissions in his dream college for a part-time MBA, and many more such news.

I am very happy to back to work and routine life. Good and lots of food and a brilliant lifestyle. More in the next write-up.

Monday, May 3

Encounter with a Slitherer

Saturday evening was rather eventful for me and my family.

There is a Gayatri Sang in my area that conducts Gayatri Puja every Saturday, so we had gone there. By the time we returned back, it was dark and my gate is a little complicated to open so it took me say around 10 seconds to open it. In the meanwhile, a snake was lying near my head on the fence at a close distance of around one hand span. However, we did not notice it and came in to find the front door locked. So, we had to return back to the road. I was standing there and my mom was behind me, this time she had to close the gate. She saw some shiny black object over our bamboo fence and she got scared. Then we noticed a long black and grey snake slithering over the fence.

We were sort of scared because by this time we came to know that it was poisonous and could jump and bite us. My sister went crazy to take pictures of that snake. Apparently, she is obsessed with that species, but the door was still locked so we could not go in. By then dad came with the keys and we managed to get inside the house and the snake saga was forgotten.

Inside the house, we were watching the movie Serendipity on TV. So, dad got bored of the English flick and went into the kitchen to see what mom was cooking for dinner. In the mid-way falls the dining hall and there are some other things kept over the table. There, my dad saw something hissing on him and he was shocked to see the same snake, from the fence, inside the house.

We now noticed that the snake was around two meters long and had a jet black tongue. The body of the snake was pure grey with black spots over its body, as one can see them in the images uploaded. The snake was so powerful, that it was supporting its whole body weight on its thin tail while we were trying to push it out of the house.

However, after a struggle of around 15 minutes, we threw the snake out of the house. I felt then that my dad was the best billiard player I have ever seen; by his way of shooting the snake out of the window. The snake fell on the ground out of our house and it slithered under my house (as it stands on stilts) and was trying to get inside my house again through the kitchen floor. There are gaps between the wooden panels in our floor and the snake was sort of trying to slip inside the house through it.

I believe that the snake must be living under my house for quite some time now, as it seemed to know every hole in our floor and how to get through it. It showed up because my sister had been chanting since ages that she wanted to shoot a snake. We have a fair collection of snakes under our house but apparently they are rarely visible. I myself have seen them (all various varieties) only four times in my 11 years of stay in this house, that too when I desperately wanted to see them. So, I don’t know, maybe they are the guardian of this house or something of that sort…

So, I finish on the note that, he probably came to give his blessing to both of us, me and my sister.