Thursday, September 23


Right now, when I’m writing a serious note on religion then I am being distracted by the most beautiful and selfless person in this world. She sits beside me and laughs - laughter full of mirth and joy and fun. She sings playfully in her own language. It’s such an amazing experience seeing hide behind your back and play Peek-a-Boo. I never knew it could be so much fun. Life has taken a completely new turn after a met her and never believed that a not even two year old kid can change you so much.

Puchkan wearing my Dad's shirt..

Yes, I’m introducing my “adopted” niece Puchkan. Well, she has changed everything that I could think myself to be. I was always friendly with kids of age group 5 to 15 but infants and little kids were never my cup of tea. I never could handle them. They would never come to me in one attempt and I would not even press any further. With her, I learnt patience is the key to handle kids, not only kids but everything else.

She runs around in the house yelling, laughing and doing all acts that we probably can’t even think of. Her language is a mix of two, mine (Hindi) and hers (Adivashi), so she talks in an altogether new lingo. My father, whom she is most attached to, is her father, grandfather, uncle, doctor sahib (dapat sahib), Lalan sahib (naman sahib), and what not. I’m her phuphu and bannu both.

She has taught me to feed her, make her go to sleep, sing for her (and for the first time in my life I am singing well and remembering the lyrics as well), and do everything possible for her under the sun. She repeats everything that I, mom or dad speaks. She will do puja with me and dad, blow the shankh, and chant mantras. Her mantras are awesomely innovative, such as; “Om Bhut aya”, “Om Sunita (her Mom) mara”, “Om Atul (her Father) mara”, and many more.

Well, this write-up can go on for pages if I continue writing. So, I will end it up by writing that she is the best teacher for I’ve got. I love her and she loves me back. Her selfless love and her puppy eyes make me feel so many emotions that I never knew I had until they came. Thanks Puchkan.

Thursday, September 16

Continual changes

Things have changed so much after coming back to home. I’ve observed a lot of changes in me and my behavior – the transition from aggressive me to a mellowed down me. I have probably grown up.

The other day a friend of mine, my classmate in school and is now a mother of two kids, invited me to her house for Gayatri Puja. Considering the fact that I would get bored among the elderly women, I went a little late that is towards the end of it. There, I started to help my friend in giving away tea and snacks to the ladies. I greeted everyone, as at small places you usually know every other person.

All of a sudden, an aunty (a better introduction would my Mathematics teachers wife and mother of another classmate of mine, Jyoti) yelled on top of her voice and ensuring every single soul present at the occasion hears it, “Richa tum itni badi ho gayi hai (Richa, has your stature increased that much)?” I was shell-shocked, stunned, bowled over. Dude, I simply greeted her and given her a cup of teas, and how is that related to my being anything. Was that a crime? Within a second my brain scanned on almost all the possibilities for that comment. I was still gaping at her when she added, “Tum Jyoti ko bulane ka message message bheji thi, ek call nahi kar sakti thi kya (You could have ringed Jyoti instead of sending her a message)?”

Another shock, when did I sent a message? I simply asked, “Kaun sa message (which message)?” She started ranting in her ever rising voice, “B.K.Singh ki misses boli kit tum Jyoti ko bulayi hai. Jab se Jyoti ayi hai tab se uska tabiyat kharab hai aur who ghar se bahar bhi nahi nikli hai…Blah…Blah… (Mrs. B.K.Singh said that you had called Jyoti home. Since the time she has come back, she is not keeping well and has not stepped out of the house…)” I barged in, “Aunty, pehla to mujhe malum nahi tha ki Jyoti ayi hui hai aur dusra maine koi message nahi bhijwaya tha kisi se (Aunty, firstly I never knew Jyoti has also come and secondly I never sent any message from anyone).” On that, she continued her sing-song about her daughter and her bad health.

My mom was with me but was sitting in the far corner busy in conversation with someone else. So she missed the first half of this controversial discussion. She started to ask me about what happened. I simply told her nothing much as she already sounded pissed at her sing-song with me too being a part of the subject. If not done that way, she would turned Seema’s house into a battle ground for Jyoti’s mother cribbing anything about me and the other woman is sort of a fight monger. Of course, my Mom is possessive about me, I’m her first born.

As a matter of fact, I was surprised at my response there – calm and calculated. The matter could have worsened and lead to a huge fight if I would have said anything on the nastier side. For the first time in my life, I really responded to a situation instead of reacting to it. If this should have happened some years back, I would have humiliated that woman by blurting out some not so good remarks. That reaction would have shut her trap but probably later other women would have snickered about it behind my mom’s back for my rude behavior.

I realized that I’ve mellowed down a lot, learnt calm after so many adventurous happenings in my life. The sea finally learnt that despite all the power she possesses, she can’t break the shore – she has to come back. I have not given up fighting at all, but have learnt how to strategize and hit back.

Tuesday, September 14

Sounds That Follow Trails Of Unspoken Thoughts…


Just thinking…nothing specific…they are a series of itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny thoughts…just correlated to each other in some or the other way…but the start and the end are absolutely different…the threads are entwined to each other in a simple yet complex way…they are beautiful…they are just there with you forever in your sub-conscious mind…

I am lying on my bed and trying really hard to get some sleep, but I am insomniac and it is really difficult to drift into slumber for me until dawn breaks. I can hear the cars moving on the road, buses honking at the occasional cyclewalas appearing on the road, local trains coming and going from the nearest railway station, the dogs barking outside, the sound of water leaking from the tap in the kitchen sink, the buzzing of occasional mosquitoes near my ears, the rotation of fan over my head.

Of all the sounds, the moving train catches hold of my attention. The sound makes me waver into the realms of thoughts that very rarely surface up. Train for me is always associated with long journeys, traveling to known and unknown places. Destinations never made much of a sense. They just exist for the sake of existence, probably just to make me realize how far I have traveled. Trains are pieces of parts of my heart put together like a jigsaw puzzle. The pieces (every bit of journey done) are related to each other with dividing lines prominently visible.

Journey can be so much fun with seeing new places and meeting new people. I met a friend of mine in train to Guwahati. I am pretty lucky with friends they actually spin the thread of your life and make it worthwhile, but all my friends, these days, stay out and we rarely get chance to meet each other. I spoke to few of my friends (blog link) some months back and it was an amazing experience. Probably the advent of mobile phones has reduced distances but does the feeling of being close with your friends helped by calling them. I miss their presence at times, some worthwhile friends they were. Well too many things running in my head so I think I should conclude it here.

Tuesday, September 7


My pores feel every bit of helplessness
I go through
I will not yell
I will not call for help
You will never understand
Everything is an illusion
Maybe even help is.
The feeling is strong but
I can’t hold on to it.

Aggression runs in the back of my mind
Reason me if it should not.
I can’t feign smile always.
But I see the ghost of helplessness
Haunting me
Everywhere I move across
I don’t need you to make me smile
I will shun you.
I will not let you understand.