Saturday, August 22
Am not that lucky to sing but yes I got drenched. I took a bus to my friend’s place that evening, and by the time I reached his place it had started to rain again. Ok raining would be an understatement – it had started to pour again. I took my friend along with me and walked across the place round and round and round and round for almost four hours.
For a brief period of time I was happy and I would tell my friend that how much it means to me to have friends like him. Gave him a rose to express what was I thinking (Yellow rose of course since he was a friend), had a scoop of my favorite black currant ice cream, walked across the roads dancing and singing loudly. I was scared that he’ll disown me (Ok, this is my fav dialogue – that if somebody does something embarrassing in public, we immediately announce that we do not know that person – that is of course not serious – but we still do it).
Ya, coming back to point, so for a period I was happy and the next moment the rain brought all dreary thoughts, grey like the clouds, in me. They emphasized the sad thoughts, enveloping me and making me burst like them. I did burst open, cried like crazy – but rain helped and nobody knew or noticed that I was crying in public. Lucky me huh….
That particular time I remembered almost all my gloomy thoughts and memories that are usually hidden in some treasured chest. The person beside me –my friend let me cry - he did not ask me why – did not wipe my tears – just kept holding my hands while we were walking. He kept listening to everything that I had to speak about.
This memory of mine just makes me feel so happy and lucky about self that I’ve such amazing set of friends.
Guys this should have been said on the “FRIENDSHIP’S DAY” but every day is special so “thanks for being a part of my life – luv you lots.”
spreads in my veins
the venom turns me blue
and I smile in sheer pain
the smile though is panicy
its devastating to smile
when the venom is spreading
the darkness seems to reign
I smile at my fortune
the obnoxius pain remains
the dark venomous night
spreads through every beat....
Monday, August 17
“If I found a job, project, an ideal or a person I wanted - I’d have to depend on the whole world. Everything has strings leading to everything else. We’re so tied together. We’re all in a net, the net is waiting, and we’re pushed into it by one single desire. You want a thing and it’s precious to you. Do you know who is standing ready to tear it out of your hands? You can’t know, it may be so involved and so faraway, but someone is ready, and you’re afraid of them all. And you cringe and you crawl and you beg and you accept them – just so they’ll let you keep it. And look at whom you come to accept.”
…So I say…
Life is a rat race so even in the end when you win, you remain a rat. There are so many beautiful things to be done instead of competing with others. One can never be perfect, it’s not human but instead of running towards a perfect you, can’t you try to rectify things you seem to need to be perfect in yourself. That will save the time and the fuel.
Life is not worth competing with others. If you do so – it gives others an upper hand on your life. They rule it with their norms – do you want to live as per somebody else’s whims? One thing for sure can’t – nobody can.
I’ve stopped bothering about people long back. They thought I born genius and will not survive the age of 18, because people with that much of intelligence can’t survive. But see – I’m well alive – yes but the brain does not seem to function the same way it used to. I ruined myself when I started running for perfection. I realized that there are so many things to compete with and I was good in almost everything. Then one fine day I realized that the fuel is getting over because you can’t fight everybody and you can’t win over them.
I realized it was time to start afresh – a new life, a new fight – all for my own self. There is nobody who can understand exactly what and why are you thinking something or on certain lines. But they are there for you – as I will be there for you (even if you betray me – just kidding). Whenever you realize this – think of me – and I’ll appear.
Stop running dear, start fighting – because life is way long but the time is too short…….