Thursday, June 24
I’ve loved you, love you, and will love you
Does it matter who shares my body?
My soul undivided, untainted
yours and yours alone.
Does it matter who claims me whole?
Love, it’s true, you’re far
Far, as the rocks on opposite beach
But the honey of our love flows between
Does it matter who claims the shore?
It is hard to believe, I concede
That else posses which I had claimed
Yet I had all that you wished to share
Does it matter for who it courts?
Saturday, June 12
Nishant was taking a walk with Dipanita on the long stretch of marine drive. The drizzle added to the moment a little more feel of romanticism. Nishu, as Dipanita called him, was in love with Dipu, but was scared of telling her that she might misunderstand him and they will not remain friends thereafter. But, today was a different day and he had planned to tell her everything and convince her that they will make a good life together.
Dipu was copywriter with a firm, which took most of her time and priority. She came across as an extremely career oriented, cut-throat and smart lady, who fitted in the no-nonsense slab perfectly. She has the reputation of being to the point, rude and sarcastic at her workplace and amongst her friends. But, she will be there to help anybody at any time and will do everything possible under the sun to help her friends out of troubles.
This was what attracted Nishu towards her. Nishu and Dipu were classmates since school and were best of buddies. He would have let things go on like this without saying anything to Dipu, for some more time if he would not have known that her parents have started searching a perspective groom for her.
Nishu had always been the reserve and shy types and in school, he had been the target of girls for fun and pranks. He was brilliant in studies so his parents wanted him to be an engineer, which he did. He topped the university and got the best of job offer in the Campus interview. All this while, Dipu has always been there for him. His fight with parents, study tensions, work pressures, and all. She took care of everything for him.
So, now Nishu had to ask her the most vital question. He started to weave a stage for the real show.
Nishu: Dipu do you believe in love?
Dipu: Yes, I do.
N: Have you been in love with anybody?
D: Ummmm, I don' t know how to put it. If that would be love or not. i feel things differently but I never had sleepless nights, no hunger, or other stupid things they say that happens when you are in love.
Nishu felt lost that she is already in love with somebody. How will she feel when I tell her that I love her?
N: Who you feel that much for? Or what exactly do you feel?
D: I never knew I was capable of loving someone so much that the love would grow into me to be me. He made me realize that love is not only taking or expecting, it giving as well. If I love you, I have all the rights to expect things from you, but I need to fill in your expectations as well. If not then I do have the right to love you. I can not ask for your love. It comes naturally, it flows from within effortlessly, it can't be ordered or begged for. You beg for pity and sympathy. Love taught me liberation from pain, hatred and envy. It made me pure. I feel like an angel when I love, and when feel loved in return.
N: So, he loves in return?
D: Who, the person I love? I don't know, I have not told him. I had not even realized that I loved him for so long, if you had not asked me about it. I think I will tell him that I love him now.
Nishu felt that the whole world was spinning around him. He had always considered Dipu as a part of him. His life would be so incomplete without her. He would be devastated. He then pondered over over what Dipu told about how she felt about that person. He realized that he had never felt anything close to that about her. He had always demanded her attention, her presence, her time for himself. He never asked her how were things going in her life.
Nishu was at loss of words. He did not realize that he was shivering and that Dipu had got hold of his hands. He was just just cursing himself for being so selfish. People always thought him to be sweet and shy, wherein they assumed that Dipu would be selfish and self-centered. They said that she will never be able to be a good homemaker, but here she is absolutely a perfect person to be with. I am not worth her. I will not tell that I love her. I will try to become what she has been for me. And, if not that, then I will help her to be with her love.
N: Dipu, will your parents accept the person you love, as a part of your family?
D: I suppose, they have already accepted him more than me as a family. I was me who was taking so much of time.
N: Does he love you the same way you love him?
D: I don't even know if he loves me or not. I will tell him and then it is up to him to decide what is to be done. If he accepts me, well and good, if he does not, then lets see.
N: So, when are you planning to tell him?
D: May be now.
Nishu realized that Dipu was planning to go and see her beloved. So he said to her “Listen if he hurts you ever, tell him he has to fight me before that.” And, he found Dipu staring at her. She said, "Did you not realize that I was talking about you for this long. You have taught me how to love people. You are a part of me and my family. They have accepted you long before we knew about it. Now I ask you, do you love me and want to make me a part of your life?"
It took Nishu a moment to realized that Dipu loved him and was asking him to marry her. It was about him that she had been talking about for this long. He was flying over the clouds. He got the joys of heaven. He pulled Dipu in his arms and started to kiss her all over her face. He said, “Oh Dipanita! I love you so much.”
Friday, June 11
I had an amazing start to my day today. Got up really fresh after a really long time. I should remind myself to keep my cell switched off every night. Well, to start my day, I did not get a place to sit in the bus, so had to cover half the journey standing. On top of that, we had a group of "just out college" kids (probably first day of their jobs), who thought that there father might have gifted them the bus in order to succumb to one of their stupid tantrums. They were yelling on the "Mount Everest" of their voices, passing nasty remarks on things and people around them and what not.
For once, I thought of giving them a piece of my mind, but I decided against it. Do hell with them. They will realize and understand on their own. After some time, we got stuck in the got damn “Mumbai in rains” traffic and it took our bus 50 minutes, only to cross the stretch between SEEPZ and Jogeshwari. I finally reached near my office, but the bus stopped in some godforsaken place and asked us to get down there, as the bus has changed its routes. Oh wow! I was already late so I took an auto and reached office.
Here it was some more of fun waiting for me. I was notified that I have to go for a client meeting at 3:00 pm. Trust me I was nervous – first client meeting of my life in this company. It went well but on going there I realized that I was not needed there. it was just a miscommunication. The only words I spoke in the whole meeting were “ya, that's true”. And, I had to come back to office after the meeting. Great, isn't it? I don't feel like working now but I have to.
But, despite all this, I am feeling really good about the day. I am happy and I feel so good. I guess that's all because of a good sleep. May I feel like this always. Amen.
Thursday, June 10
I saw you going away
holding her hands.
It hurt to see her go with you
fingers entwined in yours.
Would you have understood?
I stood there watching,
hearing the sound of something breaking
Who was she -
the other woman...
I'm left alone this side
Can't you see the tears
you're taking my light away with you
I'm left standing in hell
Would that have mattered?
I saw myself in the mirror
looking at the lifeless body
You took me along with you
the remnant here is the corpse.
I'm the other woman....
Life has to go by
It moves with a steady pace
a straight track
stations, villages, waterfalls,
vales, rivers, people...
All come and pass by
It makes a difference -
Every journey does
People one meets, do
I'll move ahead to stop at my station
But will your track
cut mine and go away
or shall we move hand in hand.
My fuel is burning out
I guess, its also nearing its end -
happiness, joy, beauty,
tranquility, calm, bliss...
Its all I've earned -
I'm glad to stop my journey
I love you....
Tuesday, June 8
I lost my two closest friends in the last few days. I would like to put it this way that I am more or less dead for both of them. The first one was gone long back, and it was I who was holding on to her memories. But I realized now that I should let go of her and let her be free.
In the last few weeks I lost another of my friends. I was depressed, sad and low, and I really did not know what to do. Yet again, I realized, who had to go is already gone and there is no use crying over spilt milk. I now learnt something from these two losses and decided to do something so that I do not miss their presence ever again.
They will always remain to be a part of my life, really special part. I do not know if ever I will be able to fill the hole in my chest made by their absence. I love you both a lot and I really wish I could do something to have you back. But there is nothing that can be done, so a sweet and loving goodbye for both of you. Love you lots...
Monday, June 7
I am feeling really happy since morning today. I am learning my lessons really fast. I learnt that if I am happy then nothing can bug me and disturb. I dreamt that I had a fight with my company's HR, funny because she is a sweetheart. I can't fight with her. I got up laughing in the morning. Probably that made my day.
I am feeling like I am walking on the moon just light and gravity free. It came to head to play a prank on somebody, but I could not come up with any sweet idea...but I will by tomorrow and then will apply it. It is a good feeling to be so light and to have finally decided on what is to be done to get rid of the pain.
So, till the time the pain goes, I have promised myself to be happy and never beg God or anyone for happiness. They do not give you anything. They make you hard instead and I already am made of stone. So, Hakuna Matata....parap pap para...Timon and Pumba...hahaha...
Tuesday, June 1
God!!! how much I love this song...wow...
Na jee sakein yahan, na mar sakein yahan Hasne ki baat chhoro, na ro sakein yahan To jaaye hum kahan, to jaaye hum kahan To jaaye hum kahan Yeh dard ki aahein juda huwi raahein Bhula denge tumko sanam dheere dheere Mohabbat ke saare sitam dheere dheere Bhula denge tumko sanam dheere dheere Mohabbat ke saare sitam dheere dheere Abhi naaz hai toote dil ko wafa pe Abhi naaz hai toote dil ko wafa pe Ke tootenge saare bharam dheere dheere Bhula denge tumko sanam dheere dheere Dil mera chaahe ke seene se dil main nikal ke phaink doon Bedard is berehem ko hawa mein uchhaal ke phaink doon Dhoka diya mujhko dhoka diya dil ne mere haaye yeh kya kiya Dil mera chaahe ke seene se dil main nikal ke phaink doon Lamhon se haare bujhe nazarein Ab to saheinge yeh gham dheere dheere Bhula denge tumko sanam dheere dheere Tanha akele mein yaadon ke mele mein tum gaye chhod ke Waado ki rasmon ko chaahat ki kasmon ko tum gaye tod ke Ghariyan sitamgar katti nahi, ulfat ke manzer se hatti nahi Tanha akele mein yaadon ke mele mein tum gaye chhod ke Jahan bhi jaoon tumhe hi paoon Rukeinge humaare kadam dheere dheere Bhula denge tumko sanam dheere dheere Abhi naaz hai toote dil ko wafa pe Abhi naaz hai toote dil ko wafa pe Ke tootenge saare bharam dheere dheere Ke tootenge saare bharam dheere dheere Bhula denge tumko sanam dheere dheere Mohabbat ke saare sitam dheere dheere