Sunday, November 6

My World

My world has shrunken into mirthless laughter
I smile at you knowingly
You smile at me hopefully
Wistful that I am of your love
Still I know of your love me
My resolve to smile
And be the one you want
Will tear me apart
Will render me dead
I still try to be the one
Tears have stopped flowing
Sunlight has stopped making sense
Obstinate pains trickles down my cheeks
You can make me forget my woes
But your presence scares me
I didn’t know love
You made me realize it
May be it had arrived
Without my acknowledging it
May be it had seeped deep inside
But a day will come when I will have to go
Can death be a solution?
But no, it’s not
My dreams lay on your feet
Can I hold its fingers to help them stand?
I grin so you won’t see the sorrow I live
I laugh so you won’t feel what I think
But yes, I think.
I resolve to make my world simpler
Yet again this love maims all hope
Your absence does no harm
Your presence does
I love you yet I can’t reach you
You love me yet you can’t have me
Why my world can’t be simpler?
This mirthless laughter rings
And you think I am happy and shallow
I am content to make that impression
I am content that you don’t know sorrow
For I am old enough to understand
I should walk away and never come back
My reason for sustenance is you
But you will find happiness away
You make me feel worthy of being alive
My world has shrunken around you
Yet I laugh mirthlessly to prove otherwise
My world is complete without you
But I am incomplete forever…

Tuesday, November 1


I am terrified today.

With all the pros and cons of me being with you being so highlighted - I can see only fog ahead. My visibility is impaired.

Scared of the fence that surrounds my heart. I can see the blue sea. I can see the white sand on the beach. I can feel the soft waves touching my feet. I can feel the soft sand pressed under my palm. I can feel the warmth of the sun touching every pore of my body but the absence of your sight leaves a cold heart.

There you stand by the sand castle far away from me. The castle will melt with the first roaring wave of tide coming towards me.

My thoughts waver from the softness of the waves tickling my toes to the roaring waves that will engulf the castle. Why the sea changes its temperament? Am I similar to the waves – temperamental and heartless? But if was to be heartless, I would not have felt cold in your absence. I would not seek your touch in my palms. I hate to feel scared.

Is there any way of reaching you? The white wooden fence around me is high enough to defend me. But do I need the protection anymore? I act well to not appear scared, but am I succeeding in doing so?

The only way I can reach you is by drowning me. I see myself walk towards the sea. You yell out loud somewhere, probably trying to save me but you have trust my abilities to come out unscathed.

I walk into the foaming sea. The water’s changing. The sea is no more a sweet tickle on my toes. It’s raging to engulf me, engulf my pain. I walk ahead. I wish you would come to hold my hand and hold me in your arms. But I expect too much happiness. I should walk ahead to meet you. There you are standing waving to me.

I walk in the salty waters. I taste my tears in the sea. Now I can’t hear you calling my name. Just a shadow of me remains somewhere. I called your name but the roaring sea enveloped my voice in its embrace. Now I am lost, lost deep into the heart of the blue sea.

I drown.

I die.

And there you stand. Probably waiting for me return. I hope you await my return till the sea beholds me. Wait till I come back again!

Will you please?


Sometimes my heart yearns for pain
That’s when I think of love
Wishes slip from my lips for
Salvation from your thoughts
But am caught in a spider web
Why I beg for pain?

Sometimes I feel the need to disappear
That’s when I think of death
Thoughts take root in depth of soul
For liberation of green leaves
But there’s not enough sunlight to breathe
Why do I seek liberation?