Wednesday, October 11

इंसां का ख़ुदा

कितना कमज़ोर  है इंसां का ख़ुदा
की किसी क़ाफ़िर के हँसने से उसका सीना छलनी हुआ जाता है
कितना कमज़ोर है इस इंसां का इमां
की किसी के मज़ाक से यूँ डगमगा सा जाता है
किस ख़ुदा की इबादत वो करते है
जो महज़ इंसां  के बनाने से ख़ुदा हुआ जाता है

Kindly do not translate and read. The entire meaning is changed.
Image clicked by: Richa Vani

Monday, October 2

It was a dark and stormy night…

It was a dark and stormy night and I had recently shifted to my new home. The rains and the huge house were making a perfect eerie set up for me stay all alone. My husband was out of town and I had to arrange the house before he was to come back. The new house was a beautiful old villa with multiple rooms furnished with renaissance furniture and wooden fireplaces. The tainted glass windows gave it the look of perfect English architecture.

My job was to settle the house and arrange every piece of furniture before my family arrived, but the rains were making it very difficult to get things arranged. However, tonight being my first night I was with my guards on. These villas are always celebrated for being haunted and I was scared about the same.

Suddenly, I heard a swooshing sound that had me chills running down my spine. I could see the flaps of the windows stuttering and making eerie noises. I somehow managed to close the window but the sound was never ceasing. I was scared the ghostly stories flooded my mind and I could see the child running around the house with her dress making those swooshing sounds. It was rumoured that a brutal father had cut her playful and beautiful daughter into pieces and had her buried in the store room.

I was scared through the night and could not get even a minute of respite from the ghostly house. Somewhere around 4AM, I suddenly heard giggling noises in the house. I was so scared by now that I could not muster courage to get up and find what was making the sound.

The storm calmed with the morning and so did the giggling sound. I had a bit of respite through the day and it passed with the repair work in the house. The entire staff was gossiping about the child in a white frock seen running around the house and giggling. I had a difficult day to deal with and the night, I knew was going to be all the more difficult.

Second night in the haunted villa and I was scared to the core to think of what I might experience today. The night again started with the storm in its highest spirits. The swooshing sounds had receded due to the window repairs done during the day, but I was waiting if the giggling sound was merely a fragment of my imagination or in real. The night ticked away and the clock struck 4AM, and lo here starts the giggling sound. The sound was so close and so real that I froze in my bed. Somehow I managed to spend the night and was waiting for the day break as my husband was to return today.

My husband returned late in the evening and I narrated the entire event to him. He laughed at me and my story, so I told him about the rumours spread by the workers. He laughed at story and told me nothing will happen tonight. I was praying that nothing happens and I can sleep for one night. Due to the rains there was no electricity at home so we went ahead to sleep early.

As the night grew, the rains started their magic, but somehow I could sleep peacefully tonight. The night progressed to 4AM and the giggling started. I woke my husband up and with the help of a flashlight we started searching the giggling ghost.

We followed the sound to the store room located near my bedroom and found the source of my nightmare for three nights. It was an old tap that gurgled when water started to come in at 4AM.

We laughed through entire night and got the giggling ghost repaired the next day.

Friday, June 30


Hangover – quite a common word.

Wikipedia defines it as an “experience of various unpleasant physiological and psychological effects following the consumption of ethanol” (Alcohol in common language).

This is a very general meaning of the word, however, the unpleasant physiological and psychological effects can be for various reasons – love, anger, fight, angst, irritation, etc. Have you ever felt a hangover from any of the above? Yes, then you will understand what I am talking about.

Superficially everything seems fairly sorted and even, but the unpleasantness lies somewhere under the skin after a huge fight or something wrong that just happened. I had a fight. With you ask. Let’s just say that I am married and I live with my in-laws so what has happened is really normal for an Indian household. Fights happen and I am not concerned about the fight or what happened during the fight.

What I am concerned about here is the hangover. There are times when the word uttered lose their meaning but it feels like they are hanging over (literally & sometimes figuratively) your head. The aftermath has happened. The tsunami came by, drowned you and somehow you magically survived. However, the survival is not enough. The lingering effects of the verbal tsunami remain. You don’t know how to deal with it. Does it go away eventually? Yes, like every other hangover it does go – but what happens until then.

Everything seems normal and natural but the pangs of pain keep coming. You act happy and smile ear-to-ear. Apologies don’t happen, and even if they do – they are fairly useless. Even when you do the formal apology, it does not really work. Then deep down inside you know you are wrong and yet not completely. In a fight, no one is completely wrong or right. The matters delve much deeper than that. How do we deal with that? Is there an Aspirin out there for such hangovers?

The physiological effects can be acted upon and you can work on a fake smile (I have years of practice – and it's magical) but the psychological effects can be really unnerving. I am scared for the first time in my life after a fight. And yes I have been in zillions of fights (both literal and figurative). Despite that, I have never been scared – not for my life but for some seemingly unknown reason. It’s the psychological reasons that hurt.

Can the hangover be dealt with? If so, how?

Sunday, December 13

Deep Gray Angst

Your eyes get clouded
With deep gray angst
And your smile appears that tries to hide
Your efforts of control
Beaded black eyes
And pink colored smile
Only you can make it happen
Anger that rises ounce by ounce
Hidden beneath a smile that melts away heat
What a beautiful contrast - Yet so deadly
A look to kill
A look to destroy
A look to say it all
Black beads stay stagnant
Pink curves keep changing
A look so intense
A look so wondrous
A look that tears down all
Clouds, I never knew could be so intense
Beauty of black ocean

With hint of pink has slaughtered all

Saturday, February 21


I never had faith in my own prayers but in others. I would ask people around me or my family to pray for me. Anyone who visited God places, I requested them to pray for me. But somehow I never prayed. I spoke to him directly. If that's how prayers work, mine did. I never knew why prayers worked a certain way and why not the other way.

God is in your heart, I was groomed to believe that. If so, then why is there the need to specifically arrange for prayers in a certain way. Why can't we simply talk to him and convey our regards or put forward our requests? Why is the need for aarti or namaaz.

If he wanted us to pray in a particular way, why not instill the same in every individual. Why different ways? If they are not designed to make sense then why people around us ensure that the praying tradition is embedded in our genes?

I believe there is no answer to that. Someday when I meet God for my final judgment, I will ask Him. Till then I will wait and pray the way I believe in them and not the way anyone teaches me.

Saturday, December 13

कुछ एहसास

हरी हरी घास पर खाली पैर चलने का एहसास

शहर के बीचोबीच अपने पूरे होने का एहसास

ओस की ठंडी बूंदे जो छू जाये इन तलवों को 

उनमे वो बचपनवाली ख़ुशी मिलने का एहसास...

Tuesday, July 29

Why does misery of other people make us happy?

Alok Rodinhood Kejriwal Facebooked today this “Why does misery of other people make us happy?” and this is my take on the same question. I fail to answer it but I don’t crave happiness – it comes naturally (sometimes due to reasons and rest of the times without them).

Now, isn’t happiness the natural state of human beings. We are born with a basic understanding of love and all other form of emotions comes by with experience. So, why it is that happiness finds it difficult to come by us when we grow up? The momentary joy of being able to say “I told you so” or “You deserved it” is more fun than actually helping them face the problem. What has made us degrade from that blissful state into the sordid one? Why does inflicting pain, directly or indirectly bring that fleeting feeling of festivity to our heart?

We seek happiness in material things or a cigarette smoked or a drink had, but we forget the conversation we had over the drink or that smoke. We just remember that bad hangover after one too many drinks. We take pleasure in sharing our tales of sorrow to all, even when we know no one is really interested in listening to it.

We seek happiness in what makes others miserable. We enjoy from the fact that someone is unhappy either because of us or due to something that we didn’t do, which might have helped that person through. Somehow we have forgotten the natural instinct of loving people and being in a state of sheer happiness, without being sadist about it.

Perhaps we have forgotten that joy is best when it is shared with people you love and sorrows sort of mellow down in company. Loneliness never enhances happiness and never allows distress to get out of your life. As a rule we are bound to be with people, but our current lifestyle has made us impervious to any feelings of joy and has increased the craving. Maybe that is why we enjoy scorn, sarcasm and sadism instead of love, happiness and laughter.