Monday, May 24

Ummmmm, I think...

Suggestion – This write-up makes no sense, so read it at your own risk of understanding

I am so glad that I am alone today. I am a little troubled – yes very troubled but the best part is that I am able to get over it. If you would have been here to take care of me, then I would have become really dependent on you – emotionally. But, I have realized it that you are not mine – you can't be mine, so its better to let go off you – I love you so much. Words will always fall short to express them. Somebody told me that one can live without love but not without respect and, you don't trust me so there goes the respect down the drain.

There has always been a lot of chatter about love, respect, trust, integrity, understanding – but will that all be eligible anywhere in any form to bring me and you together – ever. No, it will never happen. You made me realize that I am cute and strong. But do you know how much I hate being strong – it gives people the license to hurt me thinking that I can bear it.

I want to to be a crybaby and a loser now, if that's the way nobody will hurt me. Telling people that I am scared of being hurt makes me more more vulnerable to it, but I don't care. My telling that I love you, will not make any difference – and that hurts.

I know, you understand how I feel for you – but sometimes when you mock that feeling, I wish I never had said them to you – I never will. But dying always does not means plain death. There are so many dead people, zombies, that move around and work amongst us. I can be one of them, without any sense, any hope, any love.

My death will be the day when I will stop my mind from thinking, creating, feeling anything and start doing things that I detest completely.

I just wanted to tell you again as the last reminder that I love you and I will never be able to love anybody so much. But it will be good for you to stay away from me for all odd and even reasons – as I do not want you choose between things. I will never forget how much you love me and neither will I forget that I am an angel...khub bhalo kore thako...