Tuesday, July 12

Restlessness

I have grown up to be really restless and rowdy – that’s what everyone told me when I was 16 or 18…

Now at the so-called marriageable age – people say I have grown up. Have I really or it’s just another phase where we learn to live according to someone’s expectations and just start accommodating.

I still am restless in my own way, but I have Books & my BlackBerry to accompany me and give me some solace in my sort of lifestyle. Again they can’t cure the restlessness that I am suffering from. For that matter can anyone really cure it? I have just stepped into this new world full of wonders, away from the expectations of studies, and some other blahs of life and now here comes the never ending imposition of a married life.

Everyone will smile around you and will coax you (as if it’s such an amazing joke and you will roll on the floor laughing) – Beta, ab to shadi ki umr ho gayi tumhari to kya socha hai?? Abbe, what is your problem man?? And you are expected to shy away saying, aunty app bhi na, kaisa majak karti hai… Go buy yourself a life – and if you don’t have enough money to buy it, I will give you some, but just don’t bug me with that marriage saga ya.

You don’t get old or anything once you reach your late twenties (read 25-27). That is when all the fun in life starts. You have learnt enough, not to get idiotically hurt again. Of course we will fall in and out of love (in all its probability). We are economically independent. Yes, we are not shying away from taking responsibility, but why it has to come only in the form of marriage. I’m not prepared, and I never will be for a jump into it.

And I realized that I am not the only 25-26 year old facing this restlessness, there are many others who do. I am not indecisive or anything. I am just averse to the idea of giving up everything that I have learnt and lived by in the past 26 years of my life for just one person who I don’t even know. But I am scared. There is no reason to be – everyone makes me understand, but somehow they are unable to convince me of the same.

And the restlessness grows again.