Tuesday, August 24

Scared

I’m scared. For the first time in my life I’m seeking approval. I do not fear rejection here, as I know she liked me. As a matter of fact, that is what is making me all the more nervous.

I was scared to death and was shaking in anticipation during our first meeting. I had been told that she is very strict. I immediately recognized her despite the fact that I had never seen her before, save in the 20-25 year old photograph. Her presence made me relax. She oozed warmth and calm. She was so sweet and motherly. She was scrutinizing me, of course, but her way of questioning me never made me feel awkward. I liked her in the very minute, however was unable to figure out if she liked me or approved of me. Later on, I came to know that she liked me.

Now, when the real test for everything begins, I’m scared again. I do not want her to dislike me, my work, me as a person or anything for that matter. It will not be good start for us and our relationship. I want her to approve of me and then modify, teach me, train me. I know that I need to improve and learn if that begins with a sense of dislike then it is not the sign of a healthy relationship.

I seek to understand and get to learn at least something from the vast knowledge she has. She would be the best teacher I ever had – if she agrees to take me as her student and her daughter. I want to earn it. I want to make things good – for a better life. I want it to work. I will be extremely lucky to have her blessings and her presence in my life.

God bless me please.