Rot

There is something rotting,

smelling and infected.

The stench is unbearable

there is pus

there is blood

it is gore.

However, there stands

a ticklish funny feeling

about it.

Can gore be funny?

Probably I'm retarded.

The rot smells bad.

I can't find the source

it is quite dark.

Probably the rot is in me

Yes, that's the funny feel

I'm rotten

Don't come close

The rot is contagious...

Pretense

The thoughts flow fluid
every shape, every form,
every nook and corner.
I guess I'm living with them
but is pretense a part of it?
Apparently, it is.
I live with somebody's pretense,
every day, every moment.
It will be wrong to say
that it hurts.
It simply chokes, the breath
does not come easy.
And I pretend to ignore
the greater pretense
I hate to admit that
and repeat it every time
that I do and I'll
trust you – always -
whether the feeling are one sided.
I lie, I pretend, I fake -
if that's what you believe
than I'm at wrong
all wrong – where it's not worth living
worth fighting for the truth
because the pretense wins.

Horn OK Please

This writeup is dedicated to my 4 hours of daily traveling in bus from home to my workplace. It does not include any of my contribution and is picked up from the tit-bits of conversation that I am able to listen to in mid of the crowd, noise and the blaring FM.

Lets start...

Tune mail dala – Kya bolu – Are lekin har time naya issue ayega – De diya nai de denge bol – Jag utha hai sapna – Ek nayi jindgi – Cover kar do – Maine ise aj tak notice nai kiya – Are ek ghante se bus me baitha hu – Dudh le aye kya – Tu inta jaldi kyo uth gayi – Ja kar jaldi line me lag – Khamoshiya gungunane lagi – Aisa nai bol raha hu – Sirf kam hi kar – Aur kabhi a raha hai – Auro, Auro, Auro, Auro – I won't go there – Na Na – Jane ye kya hua – Mere account me dalwa dena – Address de diya hai, ghar se pick kar lega – Ha N-73 lena – Tumko apna mana hai – E-75 is also good – Tumhare paas adha ghanta nahi hai – Three three – Dus number ka test ho gaya – Wireless is also active – I know, I know, I know – Apki mohabbat ko salaam karte hai, Big FM – Mai kyo jau – Uhumm uhum, Bas utna sa – Pehle frame karo sentence dimag me phir bolo – Hmmm – Ab na koi gham hoga – Less than one – My old company – Pata nahi – Classes hai kya – Rimjhim rimjhim – 8 to 4 hai kya – By that time kuch problem ho jayega – Aur mujhe apke SMS' ane chahiye – Don, saat, athrah, ekontis, tees – Ore manwa tu to bawra hai – tabiyat to thik hai – Ilaz kara lo – Jawani me aise haal – Paise wala – Income tax office me hai – Ha ek ek – Kal milne k ho sakta hai kya – Pregnancy confirm karne ka asan tarika – Office nahio jayege – Sharma's have bought a new house and new car – kya bolu mai – Pichle saal bohot se paap kiye hai usne – Sirf star plus par – Smiley – Kya bola who – Hmmm Hmm – Subject to market risk – Mere paas to ready hai team – Kya bol raha hai – Achcha achcha – Dekh wait kar aa jayega – MBA freshers mil jayenge – Nai pata hai mere ko – Nahi be – Funny lag raha hai – Kyo dikhaye sapne tu sote jagte – Baki sab shahid ho gaye – Yar bada ajeeb sa mehsoos ho raha hai – Bus bada hai na – Like a star – When did you reach – Mai to phukat me kam kar raha hu apke liye – to who bhi confuse ho gaya – Tum pas aye – Yu muskuraye – 20 hazar ka brokerage nikaal lenge – who samajh me aa gaya – Watchman nahi hai – Implementation anhi kar rahe hai – Mumble mumble – Kuch kuch hota hai – Tisra kaha hai – who khada bhi nai hota – Uska margin kam kam rehta hai – Kya nasha is pyar ka – Sahi logic nahi hai – Haan haan – Are Religare ka AVP banda hai – Na jane kaisa ehsaas hai – Humko Kya mila – Ye ishq jane kaise hua – 6 ghante chala – 3 se 5 % - Nifty close hua hai – Abhi join kiya na – Almost killing traffic hai – Download karta hu – Tum dena sath mera o humnawa – Tu de kar aya...

OK that's it – this is a sneak peak of my 40 minutes in the bus – I hope you enjoy it – Chalo bye....

 

Practicality

I have been thinking about a relationship, or rather looking at them as an outsider. I have tried to understand them and fit myself in that situation. Aditya and Shruti are now together from almost seven months, and during these months they have fought, cried, shared happiness, made love and lived a happy life together. But the contrast is that both of them have had a badly broken relationship before.

Aditya is a mature individual who tries to understand and at times stabilize Shruti as she can be wild when she is angry. She throws tantrum and is stupid in her behavior all the while but she can be cute at times (as Aditya says, because I never find her cute). The discussion here is that they both are mature enough to understand each other but at the same time are immature enough to fight on those silly things.

We remain the same person even if life has shattered. If we start right from ashes than it shows the spark of life is still existent. So why fight on issues like I saw your ex's pictures in your cupboard, I saw your ex's messages that you have kept in written in a diary, why you used to call him/her with this nick name that you address me with now, etc. I think they are too trivial an issue to fight. You remain the same person, your thoughts are same, your smile is same, your emotions are same, your way of loving is same, so why can't the names or nick names be.

I tried to make Shruti see reason. Because she was the one who fought the most on these issues. I hope she understands, I don't want to see my best friends go though mess again. I know if they don't workout, it will not be a mess because they understand the pain but I will lose both of them and I am being really selfish here.

They have made understand one thing; when you love someone you to put your deepest feelings and fears in their hands so there are all the more chances of you getting hurt. But there is the trust of you understanding the will care for it. So, the names and stupid things don't matter guys, what matters is that you love each other. I will love you lots always.

Expressions

Certain things I wish could be expressed without saying much....you know 'speaking my heart out' is not my cup of tea...Things would have been amazingly simple for me to write or rather convey it by any other means than saying...I would not have earned the titles of “Sarci Queen”, Rudey etc... I could have been sweet spoken too like one of my friends who I call a sugar coated karela...at least she is sweet...oh wow lucky you...

Speaking kills the essence of the emotions for me at times...I always crave to tell you that how important you are to me...and how much I miss your presence for the few moments that you are not around me...but I guess speaking is way difficult despite the fact that I yap like crazy...all meaning less blabber all day...I try so hard to let you know that every touch of yours will remain etched in my heart...so special...

My poems probably suggest that...but yes I have never dedicated anything to you...so that might be my fault...but somehow I also feel that speaking with let loose the feelings emotions I have in my heart for you or for anybody else for that matter...so may be I say that I love you a zillion times in the day but I guess it has a different connotation every time...

People think poems may convey every emotion of yours...but there are some other people who understand the exact opposite of what you intend to write... so what now...how to vent out the hidden thoughts within my heart for you...for so long now...I wish you knew how much you mean to me...Damn it, I can't even give up trying to fight with my expressions...

VISIBLE DIFFERNCE

THIS PIECE IS HALF FICTION AS THIS IS TOLD TO ME BY MY FRIEND AND IT HAS SOME ADDITIONAL INPUT FROM ME AS WELL...

Nothing special happened today, but I cried a lot….I don’t know but somehow I am so desperately trying to bring my life back on track. Visibly, there is nothing wrong with my life and it is running perfectly fine. I have an amazing job, where I love my work and I have potential growth opportunities for me. However, there is something that I am trying to gather so as to sustain myself. Nobody can figure it out that I could be sad or upset or anything close to depressed, but I am. And I do not have anybody who can actually understand it all as you (I) do.

I want my life to be perfect, and I know it’s a hope against hope dream. I do not believe in perfection, still something close to it. I am tired of suffering because of things that happened without any fault of mine. You used to say that some people in your organization used to say that ‘If rape is inevitable than enjoy it’. Don’t you think that it is a rotten mindset? Can anybody understand the intensity of the word rape?

I was simply thinking, what will happen if I fail in what I am doing currently, and what if my relations fail, what if they fail because I am not able to keep up with their demands and expectations, what if my parents force me into marrying somebody who is a complete stranger to me, what if I kill myself. But I can’t kill myself; I know for sure, I never had and never will have the guts to slice myself dead.

I appear so happy, content, and people want to be me. They want to enjoy my kind of life, as I can do anything that I intend to. But I am scared, scared of losing everything I have. But I guess again, this a typical metro mentality where you fight to defend everything you have from people. But hell! No I am no metro person….I am still the sweet person from a small town. Oh I will cry again…forget it…I hate to cry in front of you…I know u understand everything but still…you are the one that I am scared of the most…I can’t afford to lose you…please be there or probably I may gather guts someday…

COILS

The cold snake slithers all over me

It leaves me to choke

Surrounded in its coils

I feel the blood stopping

My body is turning blue

I am going numb

I can't hear the voices

Will I be able to feel again?

The coils are strangulating me

But I see a beautiful halo

The light is neither warm nor cold

It's just bliss to see it

I see the snake over my body

Wrapped and coiled

And I feel free of the grip