Saturday, January 23

VISIBLE DIFFERNCE


THIS PIECE IS HALF FICTION AS THIS IS TOLD TO ME BY MY FRIEND AND IT HAS SOME ADDITIONAL INPUT FROM ME AS WELL...

Nothing special happened today, but I cried a lot….I don’t know but somehow I am so desperately trying to bring my life back on track. Visibly, there is nothing wrong with my life and it is running perfectly fine. I have an amazing job, where I love my work and I have potential growth opportunities for me. However, there is something that I am trying to gather so as to sustain myself. Nobody can figure it out that I could be sad or upset or anything close to depressed, but I am. And I do not have anybody who can actually understand it all as you (I) do.

I want my life to be perfect, and I know it’s a hope against hope dream. I do not believe in perfection, still something close to it. I am tired of suffering because of things that happened without any fault of mine. You used to say that some people in your organization used to say that ‘If rape is inevitable than enjoy it’. Don’t you think that it is a rotten mindset? Can anybody understand the intensity of the word rape?

I was simply thinking, what will happen if I fail in what I am doing currently, and what if my relations fail, what if they fail because I am not able to keep up with their demands and expectations, what if my parents force me into marrying somebody who is a complete stranger to me, what if I kill myself. But I can’t kill myself; I know for sure, I never had and never will have the guts to slice myself dead.

I appear so happy, content, and people want to be me. They want to enjoy my kind of life, as I can do anything that I intend to. But I am scared, scared of losing everything I have. But I guess again, this a typical metro mentality where you fight to defend everything you have from people. But hell! No I am no metro person….I am still the sweet person from a small town. Oh I will cry again…forget it…I hate to cry in front of you…I know u understand everything but still…you are the one that I am scared of the most…I can’t afford to lose you…please be there or probably I may gather guts someday…