Is it due to the loss of someone we love that we cry or is it that we feel pity on the hurtful situation? Is it the pain that hurts or the mere loss? Despite the crisis or the pain, I don’t cry generally. It’s only when I’m with someone who I love or in front of whom I’m not scared to bare my heart, I cry. People say crying makes it easier to bear the pain, but even the deepest sense of loss can’t make me cry till I am with someone who touches those chords.
The lost soul is forever gone - either never to come back or never to get that place back in my life and heart. So, definitely there is a loss - a vacant space created in my soul due to your absence, but who do I go and explain. I cry with you or in front of you because you give me the respite none else does. But do you fulfill the loss - no you don’t. You seem to enhance the depth of gorge to an unfathomable extent. I panic. To cry or not to cry is the question now. I am at loss of the loss and the panic instilled by your presence
You will think I am confused, but I am not. Scared - yes I am, at the loss I already have and the loss that your presence instills. So, you double the loss and now I cry for both. You ask me what is it that I cry for and here the words confuse me – to an extent of creating inability in being coherent.
I cry – I still am not coherent – I cry – the loss is still unfathomable – I cry – the pain is still there – I cry – I still am scared.
The loss of you, the loss of your current presence and the loss of expressions – still hurt. I know its fresh but usually numbness never finds me. The pain never ceases. So, I cry for the loss – forever – but never with you.