I believe that hatred is a very strong emotion – probably stronger than love can ever be. One needs an immensely tough reason to hate a person. I do not know and I do not understand but I have tried to make out the reason behind hating somebody. There have a lot of people across my life that have hurt me - some for the reason that they considered me better than them in some aspects and certain other for no visible reasons.
I cite a story from Ramayana to provide a clearer picture of the title I have written. Here it goes:
When the time came for the final war with Ravana, Laxman expressed his desire to fight with him and kill him. But Rama said no and added that it is his karma to kill Ravana. Laxman was perplexed but he tried to convince Rama about his abilities to kill Ravana. However, Rama said that Ravana was an immense follower of his and he has granted him a boon in his previous birth that he will be killed by him only. Laxman was further perplexed that why Rama considered Ravana as his follower. So, Rama explained that these many years, despite hating me, Ravana had been thing about in every moment of his being, that makes him worthwhile of heaven.
But, why I am writing this piece is to truly remove the hatred inside me for some body. For around 16 years of my life I have been hating somebody more than any other emotion I could give out or share with any other person. Today, I realized that I remembered almost all the details of that person. Starting from his facial features to the way he spoke, ate, sat, combed, smelled (as I am amazingly smell sensitive – so I relate almost half my emotions as well to with smell), walked etc. even the minor details as in the street leading to his place of living or the places he used to frequented to are fresh in my memory as new. But I have forgotten the face of my friends that were there with me in my primary school. It is weird right?
So, o thought that am I really trying get away from his thoughts or I am nurturing him in there by keeping his memories so fresh and alive. It seems, it was a kind of negative devotion from me. Trust me – if the ‘tapasya’ of some sort of some God or Goddess in the older times would have been a reality – then in that case some God would have descended the heavens and granted all my wishes if I would have remembered them as many times I have remembered that person.
I have wasted so many years to reach to this conclusion that indifference is a better punishment for somebody instead of hatred. Whenever you hate somebody, you spend so much of your energy and time thinking about that person. You actually give more to that person than the actual people who deserve and need your love.
I so much wanted to BREAK FREE of the hatred because anything that used to remind me of him could agitate me. Now, when I have broken the wall and cleared the clouds, it feels lighter – it feels beautiful.